Outta here

Chief and The Editor have been gone. Working on their tans, presumably. Chief said that the coast of Ecuador is splendid right now; especially a little town called Montanita. Good beaches, grass huts and cheap rum. Pacific Ocean-front hotel rooms for less than twenty-five bucks. The surf breaks at the head of your bed, literally. I learned this through a phone call last night that went something like this:

"Johnny, I am just fed up with it all. I don't think I'm coming back to that damned Office. Do you think that the hassle is ever worth the reward?" Chief asked.

"I don't know, Chief," I said more dismissively and tiredly than I meant to. I was tired but I had also just discovered some stale pistachio nuts in the top drawer of my desk. I opened one and threw it in my mouth.

"See? You're a conceited pain in my ass," Chief crackled out of the speaker of my cell phone, "you know that, Johnny? God damn, it drives me nuts."

"Chief," I said, "just relax." I ate another pistachio and said through a smile I that I knew he could hear, "I'm not conceited, I'm just good at what I do - most of the time." I undressed another pistachio. "But," I said while eating it in the mouthpiece of the phone, "I am wondering what it is, specifically, that you're so upset about."

I heard the clink of ice cubes against glass through the phone. And the sound of breaking surf. Lucky bastard, I thought, it's one degree above zero here tonight and I don't have any whiskey. He didn't say anything, so I spoke first.

"Chief," I said, "I have known you for a long damn time. I can just guess that you have--"

Chief cut me off. "I have lost my focus a little bit," he said, "and things just seem...impalpable right now."

"Well, Chief," I sighed, "I would like to say something poignant but all that I can say is that you better find your fucking focus. We've got too much to do right now for you to be tumbling down the rabbit hole with Alice in some dusty country a few thousand miles away. There are those that overcome adversity and there are those that fold under pressure. Fortitudinous thinking makes us focus. So yes: the hassle is worth the reward."

"Well, maybe you're right, Johnny, I don't know," said Chief. "I don't know." He sounded tired. "I'm just so damned bored right now. My mind just isn't keeping me as occupied as it used to. Besides, I can't find a television in this entire country on which to see a football game. And, I don't know how to say 'a pack of Camel Straights' in Spanish. They don't seem to know what a bottle of whiskey is down here and...Aw, hell - I guess I'll just head out to the Galapagos for a while. Darwin thought that was a good idea. It worked out well for him, didn't it? He did - Johnny - leave a legacy. He did leave a legacy," Chief repeated quietly.

"Legacies are usually second-guessed, Chief. Besides, you better drink rum. Whiskey makes you bat shit crazy anyway. As for the smokes, just say 'oon pah-kay-tay day sig-uh-ret-tays day kah-mel. No fil-trose, por fa-bor'...or something. It oughta work," I said.

Then it occurred to me. "Chief," I said, "where the hell is The Editor?"

"I don't know," said Chief, somewhat aloof. "Crazy old goof just wandered off into the sunset. Haven't seen him in almost a week."

"Jesus P. Christ, Chief! You didn't go look--"

Then the phone connection cut out. I rang back but there was no answer. He was only calling me to figure out what his PIN was so that he could empty his bank accounts. Considering his ruminations, I couldn't disagree with his wants but we never did get that far into the conversation.

At any rate, I have had the Office to myself. I like it that way. Those two can be somewhat cantankerous dorks at their best anyway. They have been behaving coquettishly about important topics - pure vanity, I think - so good riddance, in my opinion.